Creative Solutions Counseling

Stage Two: Midadolescence

According to Dr. Bowers midadolescence is characterized by the following characteristics.

• Fights with parents over social freedom.
• Lies more often to escape the consequences from wrongdoing or to get to do what is forbidden.
• Feels more peer pressure to go along with risk-taking in order to belong, including more pressure to use illegal substances to be accepted (Bowers, 2011). 

This can be a very un-nerving time for parents as their children begin to push their boundaries out of the home and into their friend’s home and the world in general. These new steps for independence can be very pivotal in the growth and development of the child; therefore it is increasingly important for parents to maneuver this stage carefully without being motivated by fear. 

At this stage it is also increasingly important for parents to remember that guilt, shame and fear are not healthy or proper motivators.  It is my experience that when parents enter into this stage of parenting and their children start to push boundaries these three motivators often come into play.  Parents become controlling and manipulative in order to maintain control over their child.  It is often in these times that parents stop truly communicating with their children; they stop listening closely and often stop asking probing questions, as they may be scared of the honest answers.

This stage is often where “teenage rebellion” begins and often it is in response to the parents attempting to maintain control over their children for one reason or another.  It is here that parents must strike a balance and make careful informed decisions and allow their children to begin to explore their world in a safe and healthy manner. 

Parents should know where their children are at and whom they are with.  Parents should be familiar with the homes their children visit and know the family dynamics of the home.  Parents must remember that after immediate family members the next most likely place for children to be taken advantage of or at the very least be put in a compromising situation is when they are visiting the home of a friend or acquaintance. 

Probably one of the most difficult tasks is for parents to maintain a positive open relationship with their children to facilitate in open and honest communication.  Parents must continue to listen closely to their children and acknowledge their feelings whether they agree with them or not.  Parents must intentionally spend quality and quantity time with there adolescent child and spend time doing what the child wants to do.  

 

Narrative Therapy: It’s Your Story, Tell It Like You Want To. (Part 1)

Narrative Therapy like CBT is a relatively new therapeutic approach to counseling.  This therapeutic approach may be the newest of therapeutic approaches in modern psychotherapy.  NT was co-developed my Michael White and David Epston.  Their approach was introduced to the US in the 1990’s through the publication of their book, Narrative Means to Therapeutic Ends. 

 

According to The Narrative Therapy Centre: Narrative therapy is a respectful and collaborative approach to counseling and community work. It focuses on the stories of people’s lives and is based on the idea that problems are manufactured in social, cultural and political contexts.  Each person produces the meaning of their life from the stories that are available in these contexts. Counselors and therapists interested in narrative ideas and practices collaborate with people in stepping away from problem saturated and oppressive stories to discovering the ‘untold’ story which includes the preferred accounts of people’s lives (their intentions, hopes, commitments, values, desires and dreams).  Counselors are listening to stories of people’s lives, cultures and religions and looking for clues of knowledge and skills which might assist people to live in accordance with their preferred way of being.

 

In essence, within a narrative therapy approach, the focus is not on ‘experts’ solving problems, ...it is on people discovering through conversations, the hopeful, preferred, and previously unrecognized and hidden possibilities  contained within themselves and unseen story-lines.  This is what Michael White would refer to as the ‘re-authoring’ of people’s stories and lives. (www.narrativetherapycentre.com). 

 

Another way to view narrative therapy is to view the client as writing a story that they themselves do not like.  They may view their lives/story as boring, sad, normal; or otherwise uneventful.  Because of the “status” of their story and their dissatisfaction with it, they begin to create the “drama” they are missing.  We must remember that often this is done on a subconscious level.  So many clients express an aversion to boredom and a frustration with “normal”.  Many of these same people struggle with significant behavioral issues in their lives.  This clearly illustrates this concept behind NT. 

 

Simply stated, maladaptive behavior in individuals lives are an attempt to re-write their stories to make them more interesting to themselves and others.

 

For my next post I will continue discussing NT, covering it’s strengths and weaknesses as well as common interventions used.

 

Wayne

 

 

Cognitive Behavioral Theory (Part 2)

To continue our discussion on CBT I will expand a bit more on the uses of CBT.  Just as other theoretical approaches have there strengths and weaknesses as well as issues that they work better for; CBT has its own.  

If you remember from my last post you will recall that CBT deals with the emphasis on cognition over feelings to control ones behavior.  This is one of the reasons for its effectiveness.  Because of this aspect of the therapeutic approach most clients walk away with tools to use immediately in their lives.  This often gives the client a feeling of empowerment and almost immediate successful steps in change.  This hopefulness proves to be a strong ally in the therapeutic process. 

One of the reasons why CBT as a theoretical approach to counseling is growing so rapidly is that it is highly effective for many of the presenting issues that are prevalent in our society today.  Here is video link that I found to be very helpful in explaining and illustrating CBT.

http://www.psychexchange.co.uk/videos/view/21036/

CBT is highly effective for anxiety disorders such as GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), emotional/psychological trauma (of any kind), PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), mood disorders i.e. depressive issues (a direct result of anxiety), grief/bereavement.  CBT has also been proven to be highly effective with mood disorders, insomnia, severe mental disorders such as schizophrenia and bipolar.  It has also been proven to work well with children and adolescents; however I will add that there may be better approaches with children and younger adolescents. 

One of the major criticisms of CBT is that it can be highly clinical and impersonal.  I have found in my experience that CBT combined with a highly person centered approach to therapy is a strong blend of therapeutic approaches that most clients find to be very insightful and empowering. 

In my next post will explore the importance of using the client centered approach when incorporating any therapeutic approach to counseling.

 

Wayne

 

 

 

Sexual Abuse (Infants and Children)

Defined: The American Medical Association defines child sexual abuse as "the engagement of a child in sexual activities for which the child is developmentally unprepared and cannot give informed consented Child sexual abuse is characterized by deception, force or coercion.

What is child sexual abuse?

Child sexual abuse is when a person inappropriately touches, fondles or caresses the genital areas. This includes passionately kissing, oral sex, and penetration of the anus, vagina or mouth through penile penetration.

Who are the abusers?

Some reports estimate that 96% of all children and infants who are sexually abused knew their attacker in some sort of way. The abuser could be a family member, friend or relative.

According to American Academy of Child and Adolescence (2010)

“A child who is the victim of prolonged sexual abuse usually develops low self-esteem, a feeling of worthlessness and an abnormal or distorted view of sex. The child may become withdrawn and mistrustful of adults, and can become suicidal.”

 More symptoms of sexual abuse in children:

• unusual interest in or avoidance of all things of a sexual nature
• sleep problems or nightmares
• depression or withdrawal from friends or family
• seductiveness
• statements that their bodies are dirty or damaged, or fear that there is something wrong with them in the genital area
• refusal to go to school
• delinquency/conduct problems
• secretiveness
• aspects of sexual molestation in drawings, games, fantasies
• unusual aggressiveness, or
• suicidal behavior

What to do

When an open conversation starts at a younger age between an adult and child, it will allow a conversation about potential sexual abuse to occur easier then when trying to start a conversation that has never happened in the past, out of fear that your child has been abused.

Start by talking to your child about respecting her body. It is important that a child creates a sense of ownership that she knows her body is hers, and it is not for anyone to touch or play with.  Make sure your child understands what inappropriate touching is and start an open dialogue about what inappropriate touch and appropriate touch looks like. A parent can teach self-respect and appropriate touch by encourage their child to wash themselves, pick out their own clothes, and NEVER force them to hug or kiss anyone they do not want to including family members. Every child is different, and it is important that she creates boundaries that are appropriate for her. 

 

It is important that an open communication line is available between child and caregiver. Make sure a child knows:

• They do not have to obey everything an adult tells them to do especially if that adult is taking advantage of them.
• It is also important that if a child is ever touched inappropriately and told by the perpetrator to never tell, that know immediately that they should tell
• It is also important that a child knows their safety comes first, in other words, if anyone ever threatens to harm their family in any way they need to tell someone

After reading this, if it is clear that someone in your life has been sexually abused, it is important to get help immediately by contacting:

• The Police
• Child’s Pediatrician
• Child Protective Services
• Mental Health Therapist

Anyone of these individuals can help a child who has experienced sexual abuse get the help they need.

This is a serious topic if you have any questions about this issue please feel free to leave a comment.

We are always willing to help. Contact our office if you would like to talk to one of our therapists in person. Our number is 616-929-0226.