Creative Solutions Counseling

Thoughts from the road

Wayne Haines has written a new post.

Now let me make things perfectly clear.  In the past I certainly have done things that were deserving of such a response like that.  However this was not the case.  Continue reading...

Dealing with Disappointment

Wayne Haines has written a new blog post.

Disappointment is a natural part of life that is unavoidable.  It seems to be large part of a growing child’s life.  As our children grow and mature they begin to develop expectations for what or how they think or feel how life should work, progress, or happen.  When those expectations do not happen the child is naturally disappointed.  

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Safe?

Wayne Haines has just written another blog entitled Safe? and you can read it here!

New Blog Post by Joe Martino

Joe Martino has a new post up on his webpage. It's called, "I am cancer?" In this post, Joe explores the idea of our diagnosis becoming our identity. Read the whole thing here.

What do you think? When it comes to mental health disorders to people tend to identify as their diagnosis?

Wayne's New Post

Wayne Haines has posted a new blog Violas and Soccer Balls.  Read it here.  

New Blog Post for Wayne Haines

Wayne Haines has posted a new blog and you can read it in it's entirety here!  

The Power of Virtue

Here is an idea that has been in my head and on my heart as of late.  I have had thoughts regarding acts of virtue and the power that hold.  Virtueous acts can be very self-empowering.  Yes indeed virtuous acts are powerful acts that are beneficial to others; however we seldom view the therapuetic effects of virtue on ones self.

What I'm driving at is that for those that struggle with anxiety/depression or low self-worth; possibly acts of virtue could be very helpful in treating these issues.  

Here is the definistion of virtue:

vir·tue

  [vur-choo]  Show IPA

noun

1.

moral excellence; goodness; righteousness.

2.

conformity of one's life and conduct to moral and ethicalprinciples; uprightness; rectitude.

3.

chastity; virginity: to lose one's virtue.

4.

a particular moral excellence. Compare cardinal virtues, natural virtue, theological virtue.

5.

a good or admirable quality or property: the virtue of knowingone's weaknesses.

In looking at all 5 of the definitions of virtue it is easy to understand how virtous acts can be very therapuetic.  In many cases these acts take the focus off of the depressed state and focuses it on something larger than ourselves.  Acts of virtue help to stop the negative self talk that often occurs in those that struggle with common depression or self-worth.  

Give some thought to these points and in this season of virtue try focusing on others and living larger than yourself.  You may be surprised!

Family Caregiver's Month / Alzheimer's Awareness Month

Today is a very big day for my family, especially my grandpa, because my grandma is being moved to an assisted living facility.  My grandma has been struggling with Alzheimer’s for, at least, the last 7 years.  I remember the first time I thought something was a little off.  It wasn’t even a big deal but for my grandma, who is typically VERY sharp, it was out of the ordinary.  My immediate family and my grandparents had made the trip from California to Michigan to see me graduate from Calvin College.  We had decided to get together for dinner at my aunt and uncle’s house so we could spend some quality time together away from the hustle and bustle of graduation.  I was sitting in the kitchen chatting with my aunt while she was getting a lettuce salad prepared.  My grandma walked in and started stating how that wasn’t a salad.  She was very confused about what was being prepared in the kitchen.  When questioned, she initially fought it as if she knew she was right; however, that soon faded when everyone’s faces began to wash over with confusion.  She soon
gave up and walked out of the room.  I thought about that day for a while but soon it faded.  This was the first of many early signs that my grandma was being attacked by the ugly disease of Alzheimer’s. 

A few years later, it was very apparent what she was dealing with.  I began consuming myself in reading about it and educating myself about the progression of Alzheimer’s and some tips of how best to interact with someone at different stages of Alzheimer’s.  I soon called my grandpa to talk to him about it after I read the book, Still Alice.  This book is a story from the point of view of a person with Alzheimer’s, how it affected her life and her entire families’ lives.  Thankfully, this began a blooming relationship with my grandpa.  Our family seemed to struggle with the acceptance that this was happening to the matriarch of our family.  I can’t say I didn’t deal with these feelings, but I was more concerned with my grandpa, as he is not one to express his emotions and I knew he would do everything he could, no matter what, to take amazing care of my grandma, his wife of SO many years. 

The same reason I was concerned for him is the exact reason why I find it important to discuss the main topic of my blog post.  It’s not only Alzheimer’s awareness month, but it is also family caregiver’s month as well.  So often the caregiver is overlooked as the focus is always on the declining health of the person with the disease.  The latest statistics calculate that $400 billion of in-kind care is provided annually by family caregivers.  An equally staggering number is the amount of family and professional caregivers that are succumbing before their loved ones or clients.  Caregiver burnout is a state of exhaustion – mentally, physically, and emotionally.  Burnout can occur when caregivers don’t get the help they need, or if they try to do more than they are physically or financially able.  Years can be taken off of a caregiver’s lifespan unless the caregiver can become more aware, change their perspective of becoming a martyr, pay attention to their own body and spirit, and gain energy through seeking help and reducing their anxiety.  Jamie Huysman, a caregiving and addiction specialist, coined it best by saying that “Caregiving is a marathon, not a
sprint.  It requires that before caregiving you extend care to yourself.  Only then will you the energy and spiritual strength to effectively care for another.” 

As a counselor, I know the importance of self-care.  People come in and tell you all about the issues they are facing in their lives and clue you in to some of the terrible life experiences they have encountered.  If a counselor was not good at self-care, they would take the emotional and mental pain from their client’s home with them.  Mother Teresa states, “To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it.”  Begin celebrating Family Caregiver month today by checking in on your loved ones that are caregivers or checking the health of yourself if you are a caregiver.  Reach
out by calling a counselor, finding area resources, find and spend time with friends, do something enjoyable like a hobby, meditate, or treat yourself to a pamper day.  The more you care for yourself, the better you will be able to care for those around you. 

Effects of Counseling on Weight Gain

I will post  a link at the end of this post that contains an article regarding the effects of counseling on weight gain for obese mothers.

Now I know that most of my readers are not obese mothers and that is not the reason that I am posting the article.

I'm looking at correlation here.  If this study is true then what are the potential effects for other demographics as well.  If you will agree that we are wholistic beings (meaning that we are made up of mind, body, and spirit) then it stands to reason that we will be more healthy when all aspects of us are healthy.  In other words would you consider that what is going on between our ears can have effects on what is going on in other parts of our body as well?  

I think this article is ripe for evaluating ourselves and understanding that our mental health can and does effect our physical health as well.

Therefore; overall counseling is a healthy and normal activity to take part in.

Here is the link:

http://news.yahoo.com/counseling-slows-weight-gain-obese-moms-154819128.html 

Angry boys become angry men (part 3)

This will be my last installment in this thread of posts.

In regards to angry boys becoming angry men my last hypothesis is this:

Boys that are raised in homes where the display of emotions is either forbidden or discouraged will become angry.  If we go back to the opening post where I discussed the three core questions: am i heard; am i valued; and am i emotionally safe to share?  When children are raised in homes where it is not safe to share especially their emotions will tend to display significant emotional issues in their adult lives.  

It is my experience that men who have not learned how to verbalize their emotions well become frustrated in emotionally charged situations and that frustration is displayed as anger.  

I think that the important issue at hand when we discuss anger in men is that typically angery men have roots that do deep into their childhood.  If angery men would give us a glimps of what they look like on the inside we may very well see a hurt and scared little boy who wants one thing...  to be safe.